by craig nelms
“What’re you doing with that vacuum, Grampa?” The teenage boy said as he strode into the living room. “Mom just vacuumed the rug yesterday.”
The old man looked up and said, “Did you know this is the most powerful vacuum in the world?”
“What?” The young man said, looking doubtful. “Mom bought that from Fred Meyer, I was there.”
“Let me explain,” his grandfather said. “You know how they say there’s the vacuum of outer space right up there above the atmosphere?”
“Oh, no, here we go,” the teenager said.
“Yet the vacuum of space doesn’t suck the air right off the Earth, does it?”
“No, they say that’s because of gravity but I don’t know…”
“Well,” the old man commented, “that’s because you’re not the average lump sitting in physics class these days. So gravity is so strong it can hold the air to the Earth against the mighty vacuum of space. But look at this.” Grampa turned on the vacuum cleaner with the hand held attachment in his hand. He tipped the nozzle of the hose down toward the carpet. Speaking loudly over the noise of the vacuum cleaner he said, “See, it pulls the air up against the pull of gravity! This vacuum cleaner is stronger than the vacuum of outer space, because it can pull up the air and outer space can’t!”
The youth just looked back and forth between the old man and the vacuum cleaner, his mouth hanging open. After a moment the old man turned off the vacuum cleaner.
“See, this is the strongest vacuum cleaner in the world, stronger even than the pull of the vacuum of outer space.” He smiled at his grandson. “We should enter it in the vacuum cleaner Olympics, household appliance division.” Then he winked. “Still think there’s a vacuum of outer space up there?”
“I’m having my doubts,” the young man said.
“Good, well, can you put this thing away for me, my back’s a little sore.”
“Sure, Grampa,” the teenager said with a laugh.
Poisoned Water 